Degil

Since last I blog, there were so many important things happened in between.
It’s Friday… April 3rd 09. Am retrieving my office mails fr my dad’s streamyx… (laju sket nak compare to my Broadband… sbb kat Bahau ni takde 3G. Edge connection pun intermittence).
I am on MC for a week since Monday. Kenape? Ok lah, at last I have to admit the truth that I am stubborn. Sebenarnya all this while aku mmg aware yg aku mmg mcm smua org bg tahu dr kecik…DEGIL… but biasalah… in denial…hehehe. Reason yg aku pegang is always- if in cases yg aku degil tu, just because aku confident yg apa yg aku buat tu tak akan menyusahkan anyone else (but me), and kalau aku dpt susahpun, I can deal with it tanpa menyusahkan sesapa…hehehe.
Back to the story – knapa aku dpt MC seminggu…
Punca nye aku bleeding…to make it more dramatic; it happened in Bandung…BOLEH? Trip to Bandung; aku yg plan… Bila dah masuk 2nd trimester, aku rasa sgt bertenaga… and aku start fikir; bila aku deliver nanti, aku dah tak bole nak travel mcm selalu…at least till the baby dah besar sket…kalau nak travel jugak mmg lah boleh, tp it wont be as same as NOW; so free and easy.
So, aku plan dua trips for me and hubby… memula Langkawi, then Bandung. For Bandung we invited family sebelah hubby yg minat nak join…the more the merrier.
10th to 12th Mar me and hubby went to Langkawi. Kita plan for a trip yg mmg utk REST & RELAX. Yelah, since honeymoon in Phuket we were so busy with work and fmly…mana ada amik cuti to rest. Cuti pun mmg busy dgn weddings and fmly gaths. Kalau tak, balik KJ berkemas rumah je lah. So we checked in Berjaya Langkawi. My baby was so kind to treat me with great food and good car. Memang aku plan nak rest, but biasalah, for me satu jam duduk diam tak buat apa2 pun dah cukup membosan kan…so plan ‘rest and relax’ telah bertukar menjadi ‘shopping’…hahaha…My darling hubby dah start bising sbb aku tukar plan…I shouldn’t be shopping…tp biasalah, DEGIL.
Started dr situ lah aku rasa puncanye aku bleeding.
As doctor said, aku tak cukup rest. Mana tak nya, I keep pushing my limits…dr pagi keluar shopping, kaki dah bengkak2 and rasa nak putus tp aku rasa aku larat lagi nak jln… aku keep jln…
Balik dr Langkawi, we have a mission to complete. Beli brg2 baby… so two consequent weekends kita sibuk jln dr pg sampai mlm @ IKEA, d Curve, OU and Jln Kuchai Lama utk cari every baby stuffs in my list. Everytime balik dr shopping, mcm tak tahu penat, I will continue dgn berkemas rumah... aku ni bukan lah org yg rajin, tp sejak pregnant ni jadi rajin semacam je...hopefully my lil baby dlm perut ni akan sama rajin mcm ibu dia nanti. My darling hubby dah bising suruh aku rest, tp aku buat2 tak dgr je...The target was to buy and settle everything before I depart to Bandung… so lepas balik dr Bandung I can sit quietly and focus to my work, cari bibik and buat amal ibadat supaya senang nak bersalin nanti…itu lah initial plan nye.
On 25th Mar morning, we arrived Bandung. Apa lagi, shopping lah… HEAVEN. 2nd day, jln2 ke Tangkuban Perahu, then sambung shopping. 2 hari jln non stop mmg penat tp best. Abg Lan, Along, Mak smua worry tgk aku jln mcm org tak pregnant, diorg byk kali sound aku suruh jln slowly…ye lah, aku pun perasaan, kalau in a group, aku yg akan jln dpn skali sbb yg lain smua jln slow…bukan sbb aku jln laju tp sbb aku kalau dpt shopping mmg lupa diri.
Mlm, aku dah nak tido, pegi toilet tgk bleeding…OMG!!! Panik mcm nak mati… ye lah, the scariest thing happened to me, itulah perkara yg aku keep praying semoga Allah jauhkan esp bila aku kat Bandung… aku bgtau hubby while crying… masa tu mcm2 perasaan ada, rasa bersalah kat baby yg paling kuat. God is great (always), Hubby’s cousin who is also joining the trip ada few Malaysian friends in Bandung yg dah jadi doctor. They all yg bawa kita ke hospital. Buat detail check up…dr 12am till 5am baru semua settle. Through the ultrasound, doctor found out that lil portion of my placenta dah turun ke birth canal, due to ‘kecapekan’ hehehe penat lah tu….hmmm so nothing else to do but for me to bed rest. So I wasted 2 days of my shopping trip…org2 lain seronok lah sambung shopping. Sampai KL on 28th , aku ajak hubby pegi jumpa my gynea… as expected, same thing, kena warded…2 days then I was discharged but still doctor asked me to bed rest for a week. So here I am at my parents’. My darling hubby yg suggested me to rest here… kalau kat Bangi or kat KJ confirm langkah aku panjang, kwn2 pun dekat…office pun dekat. Kat sini mmg betul2 rest… mcm puteri raja…sampai dah naik bosan. Aku nak tolong sidai kain pun tak boleh…nak bagi ikan dlm pond mama tu mkn jgn harap lah…paling best pun aku dpt menyakat anak2 buah aku. Nasib baik ada PC abah ni…layan lah jugak memblog ni.
Anyway, aku sgt berterima kasih dgn pengajaran yg Allah bg pd aku. At last aku accept yg aku ni degil and aku tak boleh degil lagi. Aku kena belajar ikut cakap org lain. Tak dpt gambarkan betapa takutnya aku bila bayangkan anything can happen to my baby. I was crying my heart out … sbb aku rasa sgt bersalah pd my baby. I hv started to accept that I am not living this life for myself alone now… I hv to be responsible to every action I take coz it affects the life of my loved ones. So kwn2 yg degil jugak mcm saya ni… cuba dengar bila org lain nasihat…org nasihat sebab org care pasal kita, bukan suka2 nak membebel ok…:D