...

dah pukul 2pagi.
dah lama tak stay up this late.
lg2 nak surfing.
teringat zaman2 tak tido mlm... melepak wth KJ Club members smpai pagi...was fun! miss those moments.

Kat Tawakal, Humairah admitted due to high fever.
DH balik rumah mlm ni after 3 nites berkampung kat sini with me n our baby.
Mlm ni DH bole balik sbb bibik kitorg smpai ptg td, so she can teman us tonite.
Salah satu sbb aku takleh tido ialah aku takut tido sebilik dgn stranger (bibik la).
Wpun aku rasa dia ok (the 1st impression), tp still aku takmo amik risk.
Mana tau dia psycho ke, kang tgh2 mlm dia bangun cekik aku ke...tu smua lah yg buat aku tk lelap tido and start surfing ni.

Humairah demam sbb ada ulcer kat tekak dia. on Friday masa jumpa Dr Zarin, he said tat and gave us PCM to gv her 4 hourly and ubat masuk kat rectal 6 hourly...monitor bod temp for 24hrs, kalu tak turun2 bwh 38 dtg balik jumpa dia. Dr Zarin ni one doc yg as much as he can tak nak prescribe byk2 ubat to baby lagi2 antibiotic.
So after 24 hrs Humairah makin reruk, tanak mkn, lembik semacam, mata berair and rashes start kluar...ibu mana yg tak sedih tgk anak mcm tu. terus pegi emergency.
Rupa2nya dlm mulut nye dah merah2...kesian sgt... doc on drip and start antibiotic. Tp Humairah purging plak- effect of the antibiotic. Doc said it's the environment... this penyakit sama mcm HFMD, dimana HUmairah collected germs ni dr group of ppl melalui air liur...maybe yg melekat2 kat toys kat nursery dia tu. So doc suggested asingkan Humairah fr the nursery for at least 6 weeks. Memula pening juga, but Alhmdulillah God is great, bibik came to the resque hari ni. Harap2 yg ni ok lah...amin.
Bila Humairah sakit mcm ni, rasa sedih sgt hati. Kdg2 rasa I always wanted the best for her and try my best to provide them. When u r a mother, of coz inilah yg kita nak. Priority dah bertukar. If dulu I spent most of my money on baju, shoes, hair and make ups...now not anymore... semuanya utk a better future for my anak (s) ...hehehe. better environment to help her (and future adik) grow up healthy. Since the old bibik berhenti, and we decided to hantar her to nursery, we chose to hantar her at a place yg betul2 menyenangkan hati, tak kisah if we hv to pay double than standard price. But a nursery is stil a nursery... germs everywhere. I had a tot to send Humairah to a diff nursery, tp atas advise friends, they said mana2 pun sama... flu tu dah jadi mcm package which come together dgn nursery....
Feeding plak, aku berusaha keras memberi breastmilk(bm) sebanyak mungkin, dulu dh ada manual pump, tp always tgn cramp and time consuming, I (and DH) invested in an electric dual pump. Mmg puas hati when I can now bring home 13 to 15 oz (of 2 sessions) and at nite another 5 oz for Humairah's next day bekal.
Kdg2 bila ada suara2 yg menyalahkan aku bila Humairah sakit, it actually hurt me deeply. Ibu mana yg nsanggup nak bg anak sakit? tell me... Put blame on me just because aku tak berpantang, makan sesuka hati tu yg buat Humairah asyik sakit. Sedih sgt, but I can just smile and mcm biasa sabar and anggap, apa yg diorg ckp tu tand diorg sygkan Humairah. For me tehre's no need for me to defend myself. Coz no point... Tat doesnt bring any good to Humairah either...kalau aku defend diri aku Humairah bukan nya boleh baik dr demam diapun.
Pantang for me is very subjective... setiap individu ada pantang masing2 yg kadang really contra with one's pantang. Aku dah buat research dah pasal menda ni masa pregnant dulu. Ada org masa confinement tak boleh mkn daging n ayam, ramai org plak, boleh mkn daging and di galakkan. And mcm2 lagi sbnrnye...so kesimpulan yg aku buat, best is know what best for ur body. Kalau dh badan tu gatal kalu mkn daging dont eat daging, eat lah ayam n ikan.
Samalah mcm makanan or minuman yg kita amik bila kita menyusu badan. Mcm minum ais... kalau tak bf pun tak bagus minum ais, and I dont drink cold everyday except for majlis2 tertentu. Tp masa majlis2 yg aku minum ais tu lah dijadikan basis aku tak jaga mkn which tat was the reason Humairah asyik sakit2.
Perlu ke aku nak cerita, kat rumah aku, wpun fridge lg tinggi dr yours truly, I dont keep water in it? Everytime nak minum aku masak air n campur dgn air kosong so tat air tu jd suam, baru best tekak aku ni.
Perlu ke aku nak cerita, at ofc we hv a group of BF mother yg berlumba2 n bersusah payah mencuri masa nak express bm, and we share tips how to produce more milk. Everyday at ofc aku minum at least 4 - 5 tumble of warm water. 2 times of quacker oat + milo. and a mug of instant longan and red dates tea. Tak ke bunyi nye sgt healthy?
Utk apa semua tu? Bukan ke utk makesure Humairah dpt yg terbaik? Supaya Humairah build a strong antibodi semulajadi so tat bole lawan segala penyakit yg dia dpt kat nursery tu.
Perlu ke aku nak cerita yg as much as I could, sejak I intro sold to Humairah I cook her food myself. Gunakan bahan2 semulajadi tanpa bahan pengawet :). Balik keja, solat maghrib, tak mandi ... dgn baju keja aku masak utk anak tercinta...bg dia mkn dulu, then baru aku buat menda lain...
Kalau tak fikir nak bg Humairah sihat, I can always buy segala mcm makanan dlm tin n feed her, tak lah penat sgt...but those canned food semua ada pengawet to make them last longer. I even make home made apple, banana and mango puree for my baby.
Of course sedih sgt bila heard ppl said, I am the one who tak jaga mkn and tats why Humairah selalu sakit. Sedih sgt2. Yes, I am a first time mother, and I dont hv much experience and knowledge about babycare...but I do read Miriam Stopard's and I do check on BabyCenter everyday...EVERYDAY to learn and learn and never stop learning. I keep asking question when I see Dr Zarin. I remember the 1st question I asked when I met him d 1st time is what are the things I cant take as a bf mother. And I dont ask for fun...u know wat i mean...
Ada juga org marah aku bawa Humairah kluar mlm2, or balik mlm2... berembun... do I hv a choice? Tell me... If I were like others...ada bibik or ada org nak jaga Humairah kat rumah... kan bagus. Aku pun tanak bawa anak ke sana ke sini...esp ke kenduri kawin, sbb she is so small to appreciate those memorable moments...dia sepatutnya mendapat rehat yg cukup kat umah.. to develop her brain.
Apa2pun, by letting go the feelings by writing them here is more than satisfying. Byk hati yg nak dijaga... although sometimes ppl dont seem to care about my feelings.
Its ok... do the right things right...i'll be happy.